things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
