I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize
