no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
