The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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