There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
