I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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