drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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