Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
