Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
