All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
