Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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