you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dicks are not precious.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
