Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
