Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
