i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
