I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
