Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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