I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
