So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
