I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just google imaged poop.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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