Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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