I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
