I want to walk on stilts...naked
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
