You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
