You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
