I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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