so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
