I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
