we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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