You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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