the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
