New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
