Plan B is the new Plan A
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
