I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
