I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
