Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
