But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
