I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
