They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
