last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
