she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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