dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
