If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The adults are the big ones right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
