Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize