Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
