I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
