Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How naked do you want me to be?
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