Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
