I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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