Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
