I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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