im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
