My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
