College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
