Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
