I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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