I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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