Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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