We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
