he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Be still, my beating vagina.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize