my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
