my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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