We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
