my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My penis needs a shock collar
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
