Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
