standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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