I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
