just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
