hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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